Enthusiasm materializes your opportunities

Posted on February 6, 2011 by joeR
Enthusiastic girl

Enthusiastic girl
© Carey Hope

Heidegger, one of the brightest philosophers of all times, and a loathsome fervent Nazi head authority, —which shows us “how reality surpasses fiction”—, reminds us that one of our salient traits as human beings is that we are constantly concerned and live within an unrealized future.

I strongly suggest you follow this link to watch the fascinating series of six BBC videos which depict Heidegger’s life.

If living in the future is one of our emotional spaces, or moods, then we must be totally irrational about it. Fortunately, most of us are genetically endowed with optimism. Normally, we have a great outlook on our opportunities.
Continue reading →

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Success breeds success

Posted on January 28, 2011 by joeR
A boiling frog

A boiling frog
Courtesy of Wikipedia

I wholeheartedly recommend that you listen to Ramit Sethi’s fascinating interview of BJ Fogg, director of Stanford’s Persuasive Tech Lab.

His basic message: we can all be persuaded to do anything, as long as it’s done in baby steps. It’s the old story of the boiling frog, describing a frog slowly being boiled alive.

People will not change their behavior through information delivery. In other words, telling people that smoking is bad for their health may motivate, but, will not make them quit smoking. What a waste of taxpayer dollars.

On the other hand, if you ask people to make a small commitment which they can easily achieve, the small success will breed more successes, one baby step at a time. E.g., in order to get into the habit of flossing his teeth, BJ Fogg would leave the dental floss beside his tooth brush, and commit to floss one single tooth —an easy to do small commitment. After a while, his small successes had him flossing all his teeth every day.

To put it bluntly, a dog trainer can do a great job at changing our behavior.

Three things need to be present to change a behavior: motivation, ability and a trigger.

You may be motivated to help a charity, but, you will not contribute unless they have removed the barriers to make it easy to trigger your donation. For instance, it’s a lot easier to give to the Salvation Army when a Walgreen’s cashier asks you to add a donation at the checkout line. You’re able, and a simple “yes” will trigger the donation.

In the case of your employees, get them to commit to a small increase in productivity, where they may feel proud of their achievement, and use the energy from the success to continue their baby steps. A good way to start their motivation is to encourage their suggestions, which appeals to our universal desire to work with autonomy, or on our own ideas.

Or, offer your client the solution to a small problem for free, and deliver on your commitment, leveraging your trust to ask to solve their next small problem. In time, before you realize, you will be flossing all their teeth. As in the previous case, in order to learn what to offer, first, research and inquire your client about his needs.

A very hygienic post. I’ll go get an apple to eat.

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The referral

Posted on January 12, 2011 by joeR
Introduction

Getting an introduction
© Kathye Killer

I think the referral is a killer approach for any cold call. It’s most useful when you don’t know your client that much, or don’t know if your offer will make any sense to his operation.

For example, when looking for a job, it’s much easier and more productive to ask your contacts to review their lists of acquaintances for someone that might be interested in hiring someone like you. They may, or may not, have the job opening you’re looking for, but, this indirect approach will take the stress out of the conversation for both of you.

You could say: ” …Thought I’d call you. I’m looking for a job. Would you be kind enough to check your list of contacts to see if someone could be interested in hiring a good architect? ”

Then, tell them to expect an email with your resume, and ask them to forward this email with a short introduction to those he feels are an appropriate fit to your skill offering, with a copy to you.

You can use this same approach when cold calling to offer your company’s services or products —it releases the steam out of the cooker.

It’s a very productive baby step to prospect your network.

BTW, don’t forget to thank the person that introduced you.

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How I meditate

Posted on January 4, 2011 by joeR
Lake Meditation

Lake Meditation
© Yanik Chauvin

I thought it would be helpful to tell my little beginner’s story in meditation.

Although we’re all familiar with the term, few seem to really know how to verbalize what it’s all about. For one reason or another, and for a long time, I could never find a good reason to meditate. None of the explanations on why and how would motivate me.

Again, I don’t know much, but, I finally got started. And, it’s my hope that my little factoids will help you to start your way, too. Which, like any worthwhile endeavor, I imagine will take me a while to master.

I also have to confess that I’m not a mystical guy. I’m not looking for god, nor the intelligence of the universe. If I do, you’ll be the first to know.

So, what were the ingredients that made it click for me?

  1. First of all, that it makes sense to do so.

    2. Meditation helps us to improve our performance by allowing us to control our emotions.

  2. Then, I liked the notion that meditation is all about being aware, or simply being.

    3. It’s much more than a 10 minute daily activity. Meditation is the ongoing effort to help us align our being with our doing.

  3. I liked the deep dive analogy for those intense short periods where we blank our busy minds to rest, or stop doing.

    4. We dive deep to silence the sound of the waves on the surface. In that distant silent emptiness, we are. Then, we resurface to a smooth transition, which carries through the day.

  4. Finally, it’s not an obligation, we are kind and forgiving with ourselves.

    5. I don’t stress myself over not getting my mind to blank itself. I allow the little waves on the surface, it’s part of my being.

So, it’s not another task. It’s a nice experience. No worries, no regrets. I’m very kind with myself.

Let it be.

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Clear your mind

Posted on January 2, 2011 by joeR
Distracted girl

Distracted girl
© Cheryl Casey

We already know how important it is to quiet our minds. It allows us to be, to be aware, or not to lose ourselves in our thoughts.

In this post we’ll see how meditation can further help us to dramatically improve our learning ability. In a Stanford University experiment with a group of four year olds, it was found that those who showed better emotional control, later on scored 200 points higher in their SAT tests.

As we’ve seen, our attention is extremely limited, holding only seven to nine items at a time in our working memory. If stressed, we leave very little room for any additional cognitive activity. We’ve all felt that we cannot perform well when troubled.

In this video, professor Daniel Goleman shows us that emotions surface from the primitive base of the brain to the pre-frontal cortex (PFC). The amygdala is ever alert to report threats, sending depression, anxiety or anger impulses to the PFC. After the PFC scans other parts of the brain for additional information, the executive brain, or PFC, decides to flee, freeze or fight.

Depression and anxiety light up the right side of the PFC, while an active left side characterize subjects who are happy and for whom problems seem not to affect them easily.

The left PFC has a switch capable of suppressing the amygdala’s negative emotions. Those who lack control of this switch are forever handicapped in their learning by being easily distracted.

Too little anxiety and we are bored. Too much, and we are distracted. To perform optimally, or “in the flow”, we need just enough tension and interest, while our mind is still clear.

Guess what? Eight weeks of meditation has shown to improve the control of this switch.

To sum up, meditation not only improves learning, but also, performance in general.

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Compassion

Posted on December 28, 2010 by joeR
Lao Tzu

Lao Tzu
Courtesy of Art Energy

We left the previous post with (my interpretation of) Jon Kabat-Sinn’s charged view of meditation:

Meditation requires that we open our­selves, let­ting go of our lives. Like a war­rior, we should be on guard to act upon the signs pre­sented to each of us, swiftly and decisively.

Which would imply a pro­found act of trust, requiring that we trust our lives to the com­pas­sion of the one­ness of the universe.

These statements need clarification.

The salient feature of this Taoist Oneness is that one is all, and all is one. Or, that each individual is a protruding form of one diverse, specialized, and interconnected intelligent organism. According to the Tao Te Ching scriptures, meditation is the way to tap into this universal intelligence.

Taoism and Buddhism also express that we should unfold our lives in the present, in a state of awareness or being, not regretting the past nor worrying about the future. Naturally, this passive and detached attitude leads to a lack of participation in society, which was one of the reasons that led Confucianists to criticize Buddhist monks in China.

It’s obvious that there are rewards from resting our needlessly constantly busy minds, which otherwise usually leads to confusion of the heart. It’s also easy to understand why we would follow nature’s beauty and rhythm.

Quantum physics, and in particular Quantum entanglement, has heightened the misconception that science can explain the universe’s intelligence or interconnection of consciousness. It doesn’t.

Mother Teresa of Calcutta

Mother Teresa of Calcutta
Courtesy of Wikipedia

On the other hand, it’s heartening to find compassion to be a recurring and fundamental theme in all developed religions, and what’s better, science shows that serving others makes us happy. In other words, our bodies generate oxytocin in the presence of a needy human being, and we are rewarded with a rush of dopamine after doing the right thing.

Furthermore, those who are genetically gifted with a vagus nerve system which generates more oxytocin, or have a larger propensity to be generous, are recognized (in a Gladwellian way) in less than 20 seconds by their peers, reaping the benefits derived from the enhanced trust of the members of his larger network.

If you consider the natural empathy endowment of our mirror neurons, you may realize the multiplying effect of one act of compassion rippling itself through our network’s members as waves in a pond. Watch this video to appreciate the wonderful effect of validation.

So, I can’t talk about an intelligent universe, but, I can safely say that compassion has an enormous power to bring happiness. It has been known by the sage for millennia, and current science confirms it.

I’ll leave you with this thought from Einstein:

A human being is a part of the whole called by us universe, a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feeling as something separated from the rest, a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty.

And, these few select others:

He who does not trust enough will not be trusted. ~Lao Tzu

The greatest good you can do for another is not just to share your riches but to reveal to him his own. ~Benjamin Disraeli

Those who bring sunshine to the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves. ~James Matthew Barrie

Make it a practice to judge persons and things in the most favorable light at all times and under all circumstances. ~Saint Vincent de Paul

The kindest word in all the world is the unkind word, unsaid. ~Author Unknown

Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see. ~Mark Twain

Don’t wait for people to be friendly, show them how. ~Author Unknown

Today I bent the truth to be kind, and I have no regret, for I am far surer of what is kind than I am of what is true. ~Robert Brault

Don’t be yourself – be someone a little nicer. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic’s Notebook, 1966

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Meditation

Posted on December 26, 2010 by joeR
Meditation

Meditation
Courtesy of Geo Computing

Its been a fascinating few days. I’ve been touched by what I’ve learned to the point I believe I’ve changed my way of being.

I loved Jon Kabat-Sinn’s mindfulness video. I have to admit that I had never been able to meditate, nor understood meditation. I’m not sure I wholly comprehend the concept now, but, I like Jon’s interpretation.

My old definition of meditation used to be that it was a tool to get in contact with god, the universe, or served as a stress relief. It did not strike a chord in me. Its flaky spiritual component shied me away.

Jon states that meditation allows us to be aware. Now, how can anyone not be interested?

Our minds are a great tool, very useful to do things. Unfortunately, it’s always busy solving doing concerns, worrying about the future, replaying our burdening memories.

In order to be, we need to stop doing.

We need to dive as deep as we can to silence the surface waves of our thoughts. And, as Jon says, if you feel you’re not meditating well enough, be patient, don’t rush it, be kind to yourself. Remind yourself that the waves will always be there, it’s the nature of the sea.

After fine tuning our instrument, we are ready to play our daily lives’ symphony. Although, after surfacing from our deep dives, we continue throughout the day to meditate while doing. In other words, we strive to align our doing with our being. Eckhardt Tolle explains this beautifully in his Wisdom in Daily Life video.

Awareness is being ourselves. Then, reflecting about who we are leads us to being aware.

Who am I? I don’t know. A great start for a meditation. I loved the answer to this question. Apart from being a smart answer, it’s a funny one. It takes a happy person to understand that it leaves plenty of room to peel of the layers to learn ever more about ourselves. It also places us at the brink of who we are — a creative position.

What is my purpose in life? Another profound meditation question.

In essence, “being” is embodying your life’s purpose.

Meditation requires that we open ourselves, letting go of our lives. Like a warrior, we should be on guard to act upon the signs presented to each of us, swiftly and decisively.

So, it’s also a profound act of trust. It requires that we trust our lives to the compassion of the oneness of the universe.

There’s plenty supporting the oneness of it all. We’ll continue the dialogue in a future post.

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If you care, you listen

Posted on December 20, 2010 by joeR
Listening

Caring thru Listening
© istockphoto/ Matt Jeacock

I stumbled into this Gary Vaynerchuk presentation — a friend of mine had it under his tumbler. It’s a pivotal presentation. It changes all you knew about how to market your products.

I used to think Twitter was a waste of time, and… I still think it is, for a bunch of people. What these people haven’t realized yet is how incredible it is to listen and learn from the best minds in the world — that’s what I’m doing, and I find it fantastic.

Think about it. It’s easier than blogging. It takes a lot less to tweet than to post. So, it’s easier for your regular genius to share what they consider great finds. If we’re tuned into their tweets, or twitter search the keywords of the subject we’re interested in, we find true gems.

Now, Gary shows us a more focused way of listening. He’s talking about looking (or listening) for potential customers through keyword twitter searches, to solve their tweeted problems. It’s obvious, that this caring attitude will gain us a cadre of loyal followers — not to mention that it will make our world a much better place.

Maybe that’s why twitter is worth $3.7 billion nowadays.

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Baby steps in Trust building

Posted on December 12, 2010 by joeR
The first steps

The first steps
© Yulia Saponova

I am surprised at the utter importance of taking baby steps to foster relationships. It keeps coming up.

My first encounter with the concept was probably in the form of a well known Chinese proverb that says: “To get through the hardest journey we need take only one step at a time…”

We’ve already gained and recognized a related form of the baby step effect from the previous Asking: Network’s main ingredient post with the Heath brothers eye-opening experiment: sell window sticker first, then billboard.

Now, why is it easier to sell a smaller product or service? We know that risking to sell too much could even jeopardize the entire relationship. Of course, a smaller commitment means less risk, and we know this is directly related to the level of trust that has been built into a relationship.

We find that trust building is a behavior that we have all been busy at since birth. We’ve always interacted with others in stress-soothing cycles.

First, babies bond with their mothers, foster-parents or caregivers. Newborns need to be in close contact with their mothers for sustained periods of time to create this basic bond of trust. If the baby is unable to bond, or if no one will dedicate the required time to care for the infant, it will literally stop growing —no human growth hormone is secreted.

I’ll underscore that the fundamental need of all babies is love. Someone must care enough to touch and hug the newborn. Or, someone must be there to soothe when the infant feels stress.

Are you caring enough about their problems?

Trust building is based on this simple stress-soothing building block.

Is your relationship soothing your client’s stress?
Are you soothing your employee’s stress?

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How to be happy

Posted on December 3, 2010 by joeR
Hot air balloons

Hot air balloons © Sandra Layne

In my previous post, Don’t worry be happy, I promised to show a few exercises to help you rewire your brain to jump-start your day.

First, I would like you to perform a quick exercise. Close your eyes and think about the color red for 10 seconds. Then, open your eyes. This simple exercise emphasizes how easily we can rewire our brains to focus on a specific task. In this case, to fixate our pinhole awareness on highlighting the red items that surround us.

Positive psychologists suggest you practice every day, —to permanently rewire your brain—, the following exercise routines:

  1. Be thankful for 5 gifts that have been bestowed on you.
    2. daughter hugging father

    Daughter hugging father
    © Svitlana Pavzyuk

    Studies show that being thankful makes us happy. In the beginning, you can be thankful about anything nice which has happened in your life. As the days go by, you should try to be more specific. It’s a good exercise to focus on the previous day’s blessings.



  2. Jot down 3 things you enjoyed at work.
    3. Applauding presentation

    Applauding your presentation
    © Aldo Murillo

    As in the previous case, you are making a habit of searching for good things. In this case, you’ll be rewiring your brain to look for nice things you do at work. In other words, you’re growing an antenna to look for opportunities that you would enjoy getting involved with.



These simple routines make a lot of sense. By practicing them, you discover, or become aware, that good things are also happening to you, which help you to immediately raise your happiness level.

Happy or negative emotions are contagious

Emotions causing ripples

Emotions causing ripples
© David Joyner

As we saw in the previous Telling it like it is post, we have a fundamental need to connect, which is reflected in our need to empathize with others. We are biologically endowed with a set of specialized neurons called mirror neurons, whose sole purpose is to mimic those who surround us.

Picture your boss arriving at a meeting with a dark face and scowling. It only takes two minutes for the mood contagion to affect others in the meeting. After they leave, they will themselves infect their group with their sour mood. Each of us is indirectly related to approximately 1,000 people three levels away in our network. So, imagine the enormous harm one dark guy can do to the mood of others in only a few minutes of a grumpy morning.

Fortunately, people in a negative mood tend to isolate themselves, while their counterparts network with intensity.

Happiness can be experienced or remembered. Of course, the story we tell ourselves about our lives has more value to us than what we have really experienced. E.g. I’m sure sister Theresa was very happy while living very miserably. So, how we value what we do has a direct impact on our happiness. In other words, performing virtuous deeds makes us happier.

Obviously, there are some more profound ways of raising our level of happiness, which I’ll soon happily ripple away.

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